You Are My Sunshine: An Infertility Reality

Tonight this little cutie was having a difficult time falling asleep. He wanted to “cuddle with his blanket and mom.” Of course, I obliged even though I had already laid him down 30 minutes prior. These cuddles are not as frequent as they were when he was itty bitty. I find myself taking advantage of every moment like this. Constantly wondering if I will ever get to experience this amazing thing called motherhood again. 

I gently swayed back and forth with his big boy body in my arms. I whispered in his ear, asking him if he wanted me to sing him a song. He smiled and replied with, “yeah, Elmo’s song?”

“Of all the songs in the world he wants that one, really?” I thought to myself, yet I immediately smiled at him and started in with the “lalalas”. We sang another song. Then I started singing “You Are My Sunshine”. He quickly laid his head onto my shoulder and was deep breathing in my ear. 
I got through one verse. Then the tears began to fall. How truer are those words right now?

 “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.” He is my only sunshine. He is my only. He is the brightest star in my day, in my world. I can’t help but wonder, question, and continue to pray. Will he be my only? Will we be blessed again? When? How? Why has it not happened yet?

“You make me happy when skies are gray.” Gosh, how I, how we have been struggling lately. Struggling to get pregnant, struggling with work, keeping up with life. However, this little boy manages to bring us bountiful joy each and every day. We are always happy to be with him. We are always happy he is ours. 

“You’ll never know dear, how much I love you.” Do children ever understand how deep the love of a parent runs? I know I didn’t. Not until I was a parent myself. 

“Please don’t take my Sunshine away.”

Praying. Praying that God will bless us with another sunshine to make our little sunshine shine even brighter. 

I continued whisper singing to him, with him smiling, and tears in my eyes and cheeks. Many people don’t know this, but we tried for a long time to get this miracle. We have been trying for quite some time for a second one. 

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